My Red Chair Story

As some of you know I have tickets for the Graham Norton Show on Thursday. I am really excited except for the fact that at next week's taping JOAN RIVERS is going to be his guest. All I get to see is some Lee Mack and James Blunt. Anyways they have a segment called "The Red Chair", where viewers are asked to submit crazy or unusual stories and the best ones get to tell them on air. Nothing is too risque. Only catch it if Graham and the guests don't like you, they get to pull a lever which kicks you out of the chair. It's free to try so I figured what the hell here is mine. WARNING the squeamish should not read on:

So my Red Chair story involves me, my parents, and my dog. I was sitting in the living room one evening watching some show and heard my mother screaming "RYAN come quick!! There's something wrong with the dog." My mom freaks out if the dog's stomach growls so naturally I ignored her. She calls out to me again saying that her and her boyfriend think the dog has a tumor. Then my brother comes in laughing and says "Go look." My mother is panicking and dialing my father, her ex-husband, to  see if she can do anything. She starts screaming "John it looks like a Slim Jim, I pushing the 'tumor' in with a paper towel but it doesn't go away, it won't go down." By this point I come into the room. I look at him and notice something is bigger then usual. I look at her and say "Mom, Chewy has a boner", and all you hear is my dad dying laughing on the phone laughing at his ex wife saying, "We'll jeez maybe that's why, he's probably enjoying it." Apparently the dog is turned on by my brother's leg and started humping it that's why he was laughing so hard. Long story short, my mom unbeknownst to her was jacking off the dog. Thank God he was fixed...