Stranded Abroad

The British Empire once controlled a quarter of the worlds population. That is a whopping 25%, 1 in 4 people were under the crown...and you know what, THEY CAN'T HANDLE 5 INCHES OF SNOW!!!!!!!!!! I thought the US response to Katrina was bad, but hey at least no one really saw that one coming. 5 INCHES....5 INCHES (ok depending on where you live 8) yet still, that wouldn't even be on the "everyone have a french toast party" on Joe Snedeker's Panic Meter during WNEP's morning weather forcast...

This is the ultimate shag... Shagged Abroad has now become, Stranded Abroad...

Day 1/2: Awoke at 7am on December 19th, moving my hips like yeaaaa in anticipation to my triumphant return to the US, only to be told my flight was cancelled. By approximately 9:30AM I had filled out Virgin's online form for requesting a re booking. Received a follow up email saying that I would be notified within 12 hours, well it is currently 11:20 PM on December 20th...like yea...

Panic for quite a bit, then started receiving text messages from Virgin saying don't even come to Heathrow because they are kicking everyone out of the airport. Heathrow received a whopping 5-8 inches of snow, plus they are out of rock salt. I didn't know there was a crisis in the UK over a shortage of Quick Joe.

10:30 AM Dec 19th: Cheer myself with a 2 pound meal deal. Through thick and thin, the 2 pound meal deal is there for me. Decided to go healthy, had a chicken Caesar, salt and vinegar chips, and some OJ

1:00-3:00PM Dec 19th: I hope while you read each entry you have the 24 clock ticking in your head with Kiefer's voice over...decide to nap to take away the pain. No response from Virgin via email or phone. Phone dies. Missed Dad's phone call

4:00PM Dec 19th: Wake up from nap to the chaos of the Boyko's freaking out because they couldn't reach me via phone. Listen to voicemail, apparently I didn't set one up for the past 3 months, needed to do so but couldn't. Phone wasn't recognizing the * key. My Dad's message remains a mystery....

5:00PM -10:00PM Dec 19th: My friend Chris makes me feel better by putting on Fox News, and then Al Jazerra English, which is quite good actually. Then I become addicted to British TV...watch "Come Dine With Me"...now addicted, mad that the picky chick won despite the fact her own food was good...Di so should have won...Thankfully for Sky On Demand, was able to pause before while running to Tesco of a beef and red wine ravioli with a side of veggies and passion fruit yogurt for dessert.

10:30PM (?ish) Dec 19th: Introduced to "Miranda", so dumb of a show it is actually great. LOVE the scene where she is trying to wax her va jay jay in the tub and gets stuck to the bottom of the tub.

11:00PM Dec 19th- Go to bed to take away the pain, still no email response from Virgin, Thanks gorgeous!!!

7:30AM Dec 20th- Wake up to see if any news on the Virgin Atlantic front, nothing...and to make matters worse all flights today are cancelled as well since they were unable to deice the planes and the runway. IT IS CALLED ROCK SALT, maybe it isn't common on the island of GREAT BRITAIN but you know what in America its a staple and it gets us through all our snow storms, from dustings to blizzards just fine.

9:00AM Dec 20th- Heathrow releases a statement saying we need to "reflect on our actions"...See my above argument, reflect??? No pour more rock salt...

11:00AM Dec 20th- It is 2 pound meal deal time again, this time chicken and bacon wrap with cheese and onion chips and more OJ, so bad for you but soooo good

11:15AM Dec 20th- See Cleaner. She is PISSED because she thinks I am the one who left all the plastic bags of recycling in the kitchen. She can't yell at me in English though, only Jive...

12:00AM Dec 20th- Now over 24 hours since I initially emailed Virgin still no response. Decide to "reflect" and take a hajj to Lancaster Gate and see Aunt Victoria's old flat. Beautiful place, but finding High Marylbone Road was too difficult, plus I was tired and cold. Stop for a smoked salmon bagel with creme cheese and some Earl Grey

2:00PM Dec 20th- Mouse on my laptop has not been working for the past few days, tired of using the tab key. Some loser is in the PAWS room, soon as he leaves I "borrow" one of the mouses.

3:00PM Dec 20th- With a mouse in my possession continue calling Virgin, while waiting for that email, thank god I don't have my hand on my ass waiting for it. 

7:00PM Dec 20th- Venture out for food, make another trip to Tesco, Sainsbury's too far and too cold. Sidewalks still not shoveled but the roads are just wet, no snow cover. Tonight's meal? Microwaveable Tesco's finest Paella and some vanilla yogurt for dessert.

10:00PM Dec 20th- Re-email Virgin with my info, write on their Facebook wall, AND call them via skype while chatting with STA as well. No response from either, after 40minutes I get cut off by Virgin. Call bastards back, playing the same 5 songs while on hold. Tired of listening to "Carwash" and the Jackson 5...not my type of music really


11:40PM Dec 20th: In an IM from my dad:  [from your mother] just get our son home safe.  [dad] what am i fuckin chuck norris?

More to follow as the night unfolds, keep tuning in for updates...